Mommy Workout

Several years ago, at a yearly physical exam, my doctor asked me if I was getting regular exercise. Embarassed, but honest, I replied "well, not unless running after two small children counts." He smiled and, a little condescendingly, said "I'm afraid not." Well Mr. Doctor, I beg to differ!

The following is an exercise plan that anyone with access to one or more small children can do while they accomplish other important tasks. Follow it closely, and watch the pounds melt away!

Warm ups: To warm up, simply jog around your house looking for keys, sippie cups, socks, etc. Another good warm up is to run around looking for items to restock your diaper bag.

Now it is time to head to the grocery store.

Squats: To maximize this workout, strap a 15 pound infant to your chest. This accomplishes two goals: you will be forced to keep a straight back, even when bending over, and carrying the extra weight increases your strength.

Place your toddler in one of those great shopping carts that look like a truck that they get to "drive." Invariably, they will eventually discover a way to escape once the novelty of turning the stearing wheel wears off. This is where the fun begins! Bending at the knees (so your infant doesn't fall out of the Baby Bjorn), squat down to pick up your toddler. You will be able to work in many, many sets of this particular exercise, especially if your toddler has freed himself in the open candy bin section.

Resistance Training: Your toddler is not going to come with you easily -- use this to your advantage. The more resistance, the more calories you will burn!

Cardio Workout: Chances are, he will get away. You will be required to run up and down grocery aisles, enabling you to work in a great cardio workout.

Weight Lifting: After driving home, carry your infant in his car seat (which somehow adds roughly 152 pounds to the weight of your child) and your toddler into the house. Proceed to carry bags and bags of milk, canned goods, produce, meat, etc. -- enough to feed a family of six for a week -- into your house. Feel the burn!

Lunges: After you have put most of your groceries away, your toddler will find the bag containing a glass jar of spaghetti sauce. Lunge toward him in an attempt to retrieve it before it drops. If he has good toddler reflexes, he will do what all toddlers do in such situations. No, he won't gently place the jar back into the bag. He also won't walk over and hand it to you. No, he will throw the jar. Onto the tile floor. (why, oh why do they do this?)

Bonus: Now you get to work up a real sweat cleaning up shattered glass mixed with tomato sauce!

Upon completion of this workout, you deserve a break. Cool off by placing your toddler into a warm bath. The spray created by his splashing is really quite refreshing. You will feel like a new person.

I know this workout must be working, because I can feel it in my muscles. But I can't figure out why I don't look like a Victoria's Secret model. Perhaps it is my stress-induced ice cream addiction? Nah.