It is with great sadness that we tell you of our divorce. We know that this will come as a shock to most of you, and gave a lot of thought to how we would make this public. We felt that it would be fitting to use this blog -- the means for informing you all of deployments, moves, births, celebrations, joys and sadness over the past five years -- to inform you of the end of the Hanners family as we know it.
You will no doubt wonder why we have chosen this path. During the course of our marriage, Morgan has struggled and come to terms with something about himself. Since he was quite young, he knew he was gay. He chose to pursue a heterosexual lifestyle thinking he could, in time, change how he felt. Unfortunately, after 27 years, he could no longer prevent this part of himself from coming to the surface; he was becoming more withdrawn and progressively more angry and frustrated with his unchanging nature. If you would like to know more, you are welcome to ask him. He is happy to answer any questions you may have. The whole story is far more complicated and perhaps not possible to be expressed here.
The past two years in Morocco were almost unbearable. Because of the delicate nature of our situation, and to protect our children, we chose to keep our struggles strictly between us. For this reason, I have withdrawn from close friendships because it was too painful to pretend with those I felt closest to. I know that I am ultimately the one to suffer because of that choice, but I hope that you can understand and forgive me. I will need you all more than ever now.
The information that has been public knowledge is true: The kids and I have moved to Washington, Utah, where I will be doing my student teaching in preparation for my career as an elementary school teacher. Now you surely understand why I chose to get my Masters degree right now while my children are still at home, and why it is so important that I find a job as soon as possible.
Morgan is still in Morocco, and expects a transfer to his next overseas assignment in the coming months. He is choosing to stay overseas where his housing is provided so that he can provide us with more money while I am getting settled into my new life. I hope to make it possible for him to return to the U.S. as soon as possible so that the kids can see their dad more often.
Please know that we still love each other very much. I ache for Morgan--that he is going through this and that he has struggled with this in silence for so long. My two-year stint “in the closet” while we couldn’t be open with the world about our situation has taught me that it is not easy for him.
My heart is broken over losing my husband. His heart is broken over being separated from his family. We can use all of your support and love, and hope that you can show it without saying anything negative. (It is not helpful to me to hear “I always thought he was gay.”).
We told the kids about the divorce shortly before we moved to Utah. It was a tearful, emotional experience -- one that I hoped to never have with my children. But children are resilient, and they are adjusting to life with a single mom and a geographically distant dad, and are finding joy in their family living near. They are processing the situation, and some days are better than others. I am grateful for the family and friends who are helping me to help them through this difficult time.
This will be the last post to The Hanners Family Times. Our family, as represented in the posts over the years, no longer exists. What remains is the love and respect we feel for each other, and a supportive, untraditional family.
