My Turn

As I sit here peacefully, with all three children tucked into bed -- bathed, read to, teeth brushed, clothes laid out, snuggled and kissed -- I truly experience my first relaxing moment of the day. It is like this every day. From the time we wake up in the morning, until they are tucked in at night, it is constant motion. But when they are all sleeping peacefully, I can revel in the accompishments of the day:

1. They are all still alive. I find it sad that right now one of my biggest accomplishments each day is that I managed to keep my children alive. Whether it is saving Braden and Lydia from on-coming traffic as we cross the street from the bus stop in the afternoons, or the myriad of rescues performed on Liam -- scooping food from his esophagus, catching him as he tries to launch himself from the back of the furniture onto the tile floors, saving him from unthinkable germs and viruses from his toilet-swimming escapades . . . this list goes on and on. But when they are all tucked in bed, those worries for their safety fade. I can finally breathe.

2. Nope, that's it. I kept them alive. Nothing else seems to matter. I may have done 15 loads of laundry, balanced the checkbook, gone grocery shopping, or even managed to write a post on my blog, but it all pales in comparison. Nothing else seems important.

I know that it will not always be like this. That I will not always be so afraid for their safety (at least in the way I am now -- I shudder to think about them getting driver's licences). Someday I might be able to look back on my day and feel proud of something other than successfully sterilizing the house after an outbreak of strep throat. But when that "someday" comes, they may not want me to cuddle with them before bed. They probably won't let me pick out their clothes. They might not want to tell me everything. Lydia may outgrow butterfly kisses, and Braden probably won't let me hold his hand.

Sometimes I think about my Mom when I was growing up. She had 8 children, and at the time, it seemed like she was always either pregnant or had a new baby. I am the oldest, so I got to watch as our family grew. That was her time to be at home with all of her little ones. Now, the youngest is 17, and she is in a different phase of life. She works full-time and is a grandmother. Her days aren't filled with diapers and runny noses like they once were.

Someday, I will be the working grandma too. But right now, it is my turn. There are so many books, magazines, and blogs written about different women's journeys through motherhood, written by women who are having their turn right now as well. I hope that I can always remember that the days filled with tantrums, runny noses, messes, near-death experiences, won't last forever. Right now it is my turn, and I choose to enjoy it.