It is with great sadness that we tell you of our divorce. We know that this will come as a shock to most of you, and gave a lot of thought to how we would make this public.  We felt that it would be fitting to use this blog -- the means for informing you all of deployments, moves, births, celebrations, joys and sadness over the past five years -- to inform you of the end of the Hanners family as we know it.

You will no doubt wonder why we have chosen this path. During the course of our marriage, Morgan has struggled and come to terms with something about himself. Since he was quite young, he knew he was gay.  He chose to pursue a heterosexual lifestyle thinking he could, in time, change how he felt.  Unfortunately, after 27 years, he could no longer prevent this part of himself from coming to the surface; he was becoming more withdrawn and progressively more angry and frustrated with his unchanging nature.  If you would like to know more, you are welcome to ask him.  He is happy to answer any questions you may have.  The whole story is far more complicated and perhaps not possible to be expressed here.

The past two years in Morocco were almost unbearable. Because of the delicate nature of our situation, and to protect our children, we chose to keep our struggles strictly between us. For this reason, I have withdrawn from close friendships because it was too painful to pretend with those I felt closest to.  I know that I am ultimately the one to suffer because of that choice, but I hope that you can understand and forgive me. I will need you all more than ever now.

The information that has been public knowledge is true: The kids and I have moved to Washington, Utah, where I will be doing my student teaching in preparation for my career as an elementary school teacher. Now you surely understand why I chose to get my Masters degree right now while my children are still at home, and why it is so important that I find a job as soon as possible.

Morgan is still in Morocco, and expects a transfer to his next overseas assignment in the coming months. He is choosing to stay overseas where his housing is provided so that he can provide us with more money while I am getting settled into my new life. I hope to make it possible for him to return to the U.S. as soon as possible so that the kids can see their dad more often.

Please know that we still love each other very much. I ache for Morgan--that he is going through this and that he has struggled with this in silence for so long. My two-year stint “in the closet” while we couldn’t be open with the world about our situation has taught me that it is not easy for him.

My heart is broken over losing my husband. His heart is broken over being separated from his family. We can use all of your support and love, and hope that you can show it without saying anything negative.  (It is not helpful to me to hear “I always thought he was gay.”).

We told the kids about the divorce shortly before we moved to Utah.  It was a tearful, emotional experience -- one that I hoped to never have with my children. But children are resilient, and they are adjusting to life with a single mom and a geographically distant dad, and are finding joy in their family living near. They are processing the situation, and some days are better than others.  I am grateful for the family and friends who are helping me to help them through this difficult time.

This will be the last post to The Hanners Family Times. Our family, as represented in the posts over the years, no longer exists.  What remains is the love and respect we feel for each other, and a supportive, untraditional family. 

Blog Hiatus

Hello, friends and family. I am feeling really overwhelmed with my life right now. I hate the fact that I have this blog out here in cyberspace that you all come and visit in hopes of seeing a glimpse into our lives here, and are repeatedly disappointed. It is just one more thing on my plate that I can't seem to keep up with, and to be fair to you, I am going to officially go on a hiatus. No more checking back to see if I've posted something only to see the same old 4th of July pictures. If I can handle it again, I will post and let you all know, but in the meantime, you won't find me here. I'm sorry. Please don't worry about me -- I'm fine. I just can't do it all, and I am going to stop trying. Maybe when some sleep issues and family issues are resolved. Until then . . .

4th Fun

We celebrated the 4th of July with many of the Americans living in Morocco. We were all invited to the kids' school for a day of Ultimate Frisbee, swimming, BBQ and friends. We had a great time!

Dog Tired

That's what I am. Although, why do we even use that expression? I mean, every dog I know gets like 20 hours of sleep a day. And when they are awake, their time is occupied with eating, playing, licking . . . uh, you get the picture. I do recognize that there are some very hard-working canines out there -- seeing eye dogs, fire dogs, sled dogs, etc. But the majority enjoy the aforementioned lifestyle.

I don't know any dogs who haven't slept more than two hours straight in the past three years. Who pace the house with a teething baby all night, or are awakened by the cries of a thirsty toddler. I'm not complaining about my life. I wouldn't trade my babies for all the sleep in the world. No, what I want to see changed is this inaccurate expression. I move that we change it to "mom tired." Definitely more appropriate!

Sorry for the ramblings. I really am tired. Morgan is still gone, and won't be back for another couple of weeks. He hasn't had a day off in over a month, so I know he is tired too. When he gets back, maybe he can take like two weeks off, and we can take turns sleeping!

Anywho, I have been working on my Morocco Monday posts, but they aren't ready quite yet. I am still taking pictures of the house, but I want everything to look perfect. I have some pictures out being framed right now, and we are getting new awnings on the outside, and I want to show you the house at its best. I am also working on pictures for a post about the kids' school. A friend requested a post on driving in Morocco, and I am going to do that as soon as Morgan gets back, because I need to be a passenger in the car while we're out in order to get the pictures and videos to do the post justice.

Some of you have asked some great questions, and I am not ignoring them. I am going to do a question and answer post soon, so send me your queries!

And I don't want to send you away empty-handed, so here are some pictures of my Moroccan monkeys:

Just look at this boy! I can't believe how fast he is growing!
This one's for you, Aunt Tracy! Check out Lydia's team name! Her coaches always tell me what a little athlete she is. Most of the trees in our yard are palm trees, which are not good for climbing. But we do have a very young fruit tree in the corner, and Liam is just the right size to not break it by climbing its branches. Hopefully it will grow at the same rate he grows!And my sweet baby. Look at that face! He melts my heart. I almost don't even mind being awoken every hour or so during the night by this face. Almost.

Morocco Monday -- The Grain Market

Don't worry, I haven't forgotten my little series on my house. I just thought I would take a break this week, since I have only managed to take pictures of my kitchen since the last installment.

How would you like to go on a field trip with me? I'm taking you to the local grain market this week.

Check out all of that wheat! They are bagging it all up and sewing the sacks closed.This woman was kind enough to let me take her picture. Moroccans don't always want their pictures taken. She is sifting the wheat by hand. There are lots of ladies doing this same thing throughout the market.

Many different vendors are set up throughout the market selling whole wheat, grains, rices, dried beans, seeds, all different types of flours, etc. This is where I go to get my bulk grains.

I hope you enjoyed your field trip to the grain market with Lydia's first grade class!

Morocco Monday: Our Moroccan Maison Part I

Yes, I know it is Tuesday, but I also knew that once I shared my excuse with you that I would be forgiven. You see, Morgan has been gone for two weeks, and came home for only one day before he had to head out again for the next month and a half. So I thought I would spend as much time with him as possible yesterday, knowing that you would all forgive me.

After the overwhelming response (8 votes! Wahoo!) I got the impression that my readers want to hear about our new house. So here is Part I. I decided to do this in installments because it can be quite overwhelming to photographically capture our whole house in a state of cleanliness that I would want to publish on the internet (albeit for apparently only 8 readers). Yes, I have a maid, but she is only here two days a week, and Liam can undo most of her work in a matter of minutes.

What I am going to share with you is our front area, which is the more formal portion of the house. Please, enter:Upon entering this door, if you turn to your right you will see this:

This is an antiqued wooden door. We bought it recently at the souk (market), and I just love it. Artisans make these doors to look like authentic antique wooden doors from old houses. Side note: The embassy provides us with these houses, and also with all of the maintenance we need. A carpenter recenly came out and hung all of our pictures, including this ornamental door.

Also in the entryway, if you look up, you will see this:

It is a lamp that I bought for Morgan's birthday, all by myself. I got directions to the store from a friend, packed up Liam and Grayson, and went and bought it without any help!

From the entryway, you step down into this room:This is our "church room." When we have church at our house (another post) we set up the chairs in this room. It's a great room for that purpose because, facing the chairs is this:This is our music nook, and it makes for a great stand for our meetings.

If you are facing our music nook and then turn right, this room is what you will see. It is the formal living room. We have our books and TV in this room because our family room is very small, and we use that room as a playroom. You can't tell from the pictures, but our windows are tinted, which makes the house pretty dark a lot of the time. If this house belonged to me, that would be the first thing to change, because I love having lots of sunlight. But when it is warm enough, I open the windows, letting in fresh air and light.

Back to facing the music nook, if you turn to your left, this is what you see:
Our very Moroccan dining room. Yes, the walls and columns are completely covered in tile mosaic.
And the ceiling is intricately carved:This is an amazing room.

Stay tuned for the next installment of Morocco Monday: Our Moroccan Maison

Help!

Notice the new poll in my sidebar. I have so many things I want to tell you about, but I don't know where to start. Please vote on what you would like to hear in my next Morocco Monday post. Also, if you have any questions that you would like me to post about in the future, leave me a comment. Thanks!